Goddamn it, Matty
by ChocoCoatedLemons
Summary: CONTAINS SPOILERS. Mello's POV, first person, read inside for more info. DEFINATELY HAS SPOILERS. Contains: MelloxMatt mentions, swearing, more warnings inside. Not my best work, I assure you. SPOILERS. SPOILERS! *Used to be my old account, twistedpearls*


_**SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS  
**_

**Author's Note:** Inspired by some Youtube videos about **Mello 'n' Matt**, which were absolute love, and by the song **"Maria" by Blondie**, who I do not normally listen to, but I love that song. Yeah. It's kinda sad, and the friends I sent it to said it was good, so I decided to put it up.

Took me maybe an hour with a lot of pauses 'cause I kept getting distracted, so not my best work. It's **Mello right after Matt's death**, which instantly made me sad, but then again I'm a sad kind of person. **First person POV.**

**Disclaimer:** Do not own, in anyway, shape or form, Death Note or any of it's characters or plotlines. Ah, dreams.

**Warnings:** Mentions sex, angsty stuff, mentions yaoi. Swearing. Character death. **Spoilers.**

**Here we go  
**

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I miss you already babe. You've been… gone exactly two minutes and 47 seconds as I'm thinking this (you always did say I was a pedantic bastard didn't you?), and already my head hurts and my chest is aching because _Goddamn it_ I miss you Matty!

Fuck.

I don't think I can do this without you. We said we'd be the martyrs for our cause, the Christ of the Kira Case, but I don't think I thought about how much this would hurt. Did you? Did you ever consider how much it would hurt if this was… Was the other way around? If it was me who was dead, shot through and currently being lied about on the news? Maybe you did. Maybe.

_Goddamn_ you, you fucking little bitch. Goddamn you for dying, for giving me that one last little kiss as we split to go our separate ways to die for the cause I think you had half forgotten. Matty…

I'm not crying. There's no tears forming in my eyes, trickling down my cheeks across my lips, the very same ones that have clashed with yours a million and one times. I don't have my head pressed against the window. I'm not thumping it against the rain-streaked glass in desperation because you're not here. I'm not punching the passenger seat in fury. God, when I lift my not-bruised hand to wipe the none-tears from my cold, cold skin, it smells of smoke, the same scent that had enveloped you in it's addiction since you were thirteen.

I wonder if you still smell like that now?

I miss that.

I miss the way you always sat near the window when I let you smoke indoors, dangling one hand out into the air lazily, creating smoky patterns as you talked.

I miss the way you laughed- grinning, a low chuckle that seemed to originate in your heart.

_(It's rain on my cheeks, not tears...)__  
_

I miss the way you would lean over to kiss me and whisper "_I love you_" with absolute confidence that I could love you back.

_(I wish I had told you that more often.)_

I miss the way you would let me beat the shit out of you, and you could still love me.

_(Please, God… I've believed in you all my life, and I'll give up my fragile place in Heaven for him if you'll let me. Please…)_

I miss the way you could arch your chest up against mine at night, moaning my name, even if all I had done was given you a bite, just like the fucking masochist you had always shown you were.

I miss your voice, the way you could call my name, the way you had nicknamed me "Mel" and used it to show you cared.

I miss… You.

God, now I'm fucking crying. I still have to finish this shit up- God, I hate that stupid bitch Takada more than anything now- but I think it's okay to just have a minute. Just for you.

I'm praying for you, for the both of us, but fuck it, I don't even _care_ anymore as long as you're okay. _(God what am I saying, of course you're not okay you're dead you're fucking dead…)_

Wait for me babe, I know I won't be too long, please _God_ wait for me…

I _love_ you, Matt.

Forgive me…

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_And forgive me for writing horrible stuff like this please._

_Any feedback is welcome. Not just welcome, damn well slavered over._

_Flames shall be used to burn down my next-door-neighbours house ^.^_

_Damn conniving bitch…_

_TwistedPearls_

_xx  
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